The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, Annotated...Part 3

“A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an ‘intellectual’ – find out how he feels about astrology.”
I tend to agree with Dr. Richard Dawkins on this point but extend it past astrology. Dawkins and several other scientist atheists posit that belief in ANY deity is inconsistent with science. One of the best arguments on this point is found in God: The Failed Hypothesis: How Science Shows That God Does Not Exist by Victor J. Stenger. But for those of you who believe, I respect your right to do so and do not question your belief.

“Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.”
I don’t disagree with many things that Lazarus Long has to say but this is one on which he and I differ by a wide margin. Lazarus Long and his creator Robert A. Heinlein, while free-thinkers, can hardly be called socialists. I, on the other hand, can. Taxes collected SHOULD be for the benefit of the taxed. Without taxation, government ceases to function. This is the particular mantra of Grover Norquist who famously wants to shrink government to the point where it can drowned in a bathtub. I prefer seeing a truly progressive tax with the government using that money to help the people, particularly the neediest. Where I do agree with Long’s statement is when those taxes are being used to buy things that blow up people in other countries. War has never been for the benefit of the taxed, especially when profiteering capitalists have an interest in continuing the wars for their pecuniary benefit.

“If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you'll abort it if you do. Be patient and you’ll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait.”
It doesn’t matter if the creative work is the written word, art on a canvas, the cure for cancer or theoretical physics. I find that the best writing I do comes from the times I have an idea AND the motivation to get it on paper. (OK, onto a word processor, but you get what I mean.) I have tried writing fiction but it has always felt forced. The one or two good fictional ideas I have had have never really motivated me to write them. So I write when I feel like it. And when I find that I’m having to force it, it reads that way. I read a couple blogs I did some time ago and can easily tell which one’s were forced. So if you create, let it happen naturally. Otherwise you’re creating your own sharashka. (If you don’t understand the term, either Google it or read Solzhenitsyn’s novel The First Circle.)

“A practical joker deserves applause for his wit according to its quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling. But staking out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.”
It will probably come as no surprise but I have always been a class clown. According to George Carlin, there are two types of class clowns: the ones who come up with great ideas and instigate others and the ones who are crazy enough to do those things. I will admit to having been crazy enough, at times, to do my own ideas but for the most part I fall into the idea/instigator category. The one time I committed a practical joke was in university. I won’t go into what I did and I will say there was general agreement that the individual on the receiving end deserved it. But it’s the only time I have ever done a practical joke and if I had it to do all over again, I would not do it.

“A ‘critic’ is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased – he hates all creative people equally.”
This goes a long way to explaining the behavior of the current minority party in the United States. They hate everything the majority stands for. Rather than attempt to find some common ground, they and their tame dog media, stand on the sidelines and snipe. They offer nothing other than criticism and simply hate those in the majority because they are not. As far as theater or movie critics go, I have a few who I use as bellwethers. If they hate something, I’m going to like it.

“Never frighten a little man. He’ll kill you.”
Atilla the Hun, Napoleon Bonaparte and Josef Stalin. Need I say more?

“Never try to outstubborn a cat.”
Cat people, you understand the truth of this. Non-cat people, trust us. It’s true.

“Natural laws have no pity.”
One of the natural laws that most people recognize (at least those who believe the Earth is older than about 6,000 years) is “survival of the fittest.” Darwin posited this as an explanation for evolution and adaptation. If you don’t adapt to changing conditions, you die. Buggy whip makers, galley-oar makers, Betamax VCRs. Adapt or die. The natural laws of physics prove that atoms can be split. These same natural laws, inevitably, led to weapons that threatened to erase life on Earth in something called Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD). I happen to have been in the business of being ready to deliver those weapons when I was in the Air Force. Natural laws have existed since shortly after the Big Bang. They are unalterable and potentially very dangerous.

“Anything free is worth what you pay for it.”
Or, a fool and his money are soon parted. Or, if it sounds too good to be true, it is. If Jack had lived in the real world, those magic beans he got might have grown some beans but that would be about it. Any time I am asked for advice, I qualify it with the reminder that my advice is worth exactly what I charge for it: nothing.

“A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.”
Ever notice how many committees there are in any level of government?

“A generation which ignores history has no past – and no future.”
George Santayana famously said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Where this is most dangerous is when the people who fail to learn are our political and military leaders. How often has it been said that generals continue to fight the last war? And when our political leaders think that trying the same things over and over again will result in a different outcome, I want to remind them that that comes dangerously close to the definition of insanity. Vietnam. The Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Our nine year old war in Afghanistan. Is anybody listening?

“Never appeal to a man’s “better nature.” He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.”
This goes without saying. Don’t believe that? Just look at how Ben Nelson’s vote was obtained for health insurance reform.

“Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.)”
One of my favorite series is HBO’s Band of Brothers. In it, one of the actual members of Easy Company talks about being afraid all the time. It is how one masters the fear and goes on that makes the difference. I have written about fear in an earlier blog. While fear of a biopsy pales in comparison to the fear of a man in combat, mastering the fear and getting on with the matter of living is a form of courage. It’s like never experiencing sadness means you can never understand what it means to be happy. To dare to love is to dare to be hurt in one of the cruelest ways. But to feel nothing is not living. It is mere existence.

“People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy a half slug who must tighten his belt.”
Donald Trump and Ted Turner. Need I say more?

“There is no such thing as ‘social gambling.’ Either you are there to cut the other bloke’s heart out and eat it – or you’re a sucker. If you don’t like this choice – don’t gamble.”
I neither like gambling nor losing money and I am not one who goes for the throat. I don’t gamble. The only card games in which I play are thinly-veiled excuses for male bonding and the consumption of copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and snacks. And we play with cards with pictures of nude and semi-nude women. The drunken decisions on how to designate wild cards are the best part of the game.

“The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: ‘Of course it is none of my business but—’ is to place a period after the word ‘but.’ Don’t use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.”
And this seems like a good place to end for today.

To be continued….