The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, annotated.....Part 2

“I CAME, I SAW, SHE CONQUERED.” (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)
There are those of us of the male gender who have learned this and accept it; there are those of the male gender who have not learned it, much to their pain. Women are born knowing it because it is hard-wired in their DNA.

“If it can’t be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion. It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another – but which one? Differences are crucial.”
This brings up two issues. Let me address the second one first, which relates to wagering. Long ago, I discovered that I hated losing money in wagers, so I stopped betting. Now, the only time I will accept or offer a wager is if there is a 100% chance of winning. What I mean by that is I will only bet over a matter of absolutely provable fact that I know to be correct. Example: Mickey Mantle batted .353 in 1956. Were someone to dispute this with me, my final trump card would be to say, “Want to bet on it?” Anyone who knows me knows to concede at that point as I never use the offer lightly. It means I cannot be wrong. My wife loves to gamble. When we go to a casino she plays the slots and blackjack. I read. Okay, I do throw a quarter into a slot so I can look at her and say, “Are you happy? I gambled.” Then I go back to my book. ‘Nuff said.

The first part of this is rather more problematic. Regardless of the subject, if it can be expressed in figures it can be proven, whether it is the atomic weight of cobalt, the number of bones in the human hand or the existence of black holes. If it cannot, it is only opinion. When opinion is expressed as fact, wars often result, especially ones that involve beliefs in conflicting deities.

“Cheops’ Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.”
Cheops was an Egyptian Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom, better known as Khufu, who built the Great Pyramid. If you don’t believe the truth of this statement, Google “cost-overrun.” I submit the proof is indisputable. And following closely on the heels of Cheops’ Law is:
“An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.”

“One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.”
In his book The God Delusion, biological theorist Richard Dawkins, one of the leading atheists expressed the opinion that everyone is an atheist. He just includes one more god than most. Although rather glib, there is great truth in this. Humans have believed in some sort of god-being(s) from time immemorial. Those who believe in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic one god, by definition, do not believe in gods such as Thor, Apollo, Shiva or Jupiter. Thus, everyone is an atheist to some degree or another. Unfortunately, wars continue to be fought over points of theology, even between believers of the same deity because of the prophets through who said deity chose to reveal the “divine truth.”

“There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it?”
I have long held the opinion that the most important thing to do every day is to wake up. After that, the rest is just gravy.

“A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate.”
And capitalists kill for profit. Which is the worst? I leave that decision to you.

“Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How’s that again? I missed something.
Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let’s play that over again, too. Who decides?”
And corporate-tocracy a/k/a Fascism is based on the assumption that corporations are more important than people. Oh, wait. The Supreme Court of the United States just said they ARE people. Again, I leave the decision to you.

“Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate. This does not insure ‘good’ government; it simply insures that it will work. But such governments are rare – most people want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the ‘backseat-driver syndrome.’”
A corollary to this is any government will work with effective checks and balances. When any one of the coordinate branches of government arrogates too much power or one of them cedes too much power, the system is out of balance and bad things happen. I promised not to get political in this blog so I will shut up about this now.

“Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other ‘sins’ are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful – just stupid.)”
This has been expressed in many religious beliefs by a name such as The Golden Rule. I submit that whether you believe in a deity or not, if you live by this dictum you and those around you will be much happier. In law, there is a concept of certain crimes being mala in se or more simply, just plain wrong, where most other laws proscribing behavior are mala prohibitum. Even in this context, if one follows the proscription against hurting other people, everyone profits and is happier. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” was a slogan popularized by Karl Marx. I submit had Lenin seriously believed and practiced this, the history of the USSR and Communism would have been considerably different.

“Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide the lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as ‘empty,’ ‘meaningless,’ or ‘dishonest,’ and scorn to use them. No matter how ‘pure’ their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.”
Courtesy is never wrong. One of my observations of things that seem to have gone haywire in the modern world is the loss of gentility. Where a handshake was, at one time, sufficient to bind a person on their honor, now contracts run into the tens if not hundreds of pages. Partisan politics, whether in government, the courts or football is the order of the day. We have lost something in a society where a sincere compliment is too often looked on as sexual harassment or other offensive behavior. Politeness is its own reward.

“The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.”
This seems to be the underlying philosophical basis of talk radio, punditry and politics in our society. A recent President of the United States famously took the view that we no longer live in a reality-based world. Really? To subscribe to that view comes dangerously close to the dictum that if you tell the Big Lie often enough, people will begin to believe it.

“One man’s ‘magic’ is another man’s engineering. ‘Supernatural’ is a null word.”
If you don’t believe the truth of this, imagine going back to Salem, Massachusetts in 1692-1693 with an iPod and a set of speakers and playing anything for the assembled townspeople. Guess what they’ll call YOU.

“If you are part of a society that votes, then do so. There may be no candidates and measures you want to vote for. But there are certain to be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this rule you will rarely go wrong. If this is too blind for your taste, consult some well-meaning fool (there is always one around) and ask his advice. Then vote the other way. This enables you to be a good citizen (if such is your wish) without spending the enormous amount of time that truly intelligent exercise of the franchise requires.”
I have never missed voting in an election since I was old enough to get the franchise. I raised my daughter to never miss voting. Why? It preserves your right to bitch for another year. Our society does not demand much of its citizens (besides paying taxes) but exercising the franchise is something that everyone needs to do. If you don’t vote, don’t bitch. The “Reagan Revolution” came from a mandate of 29% of the American electorate. Any questions?

“Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”
Pet rocks. Need I say more?

“Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.”
I could go on at length about this six-word sentence. But there’s that promise I made about politics. I will simply leave you with two words: Dick Cheney.

To be continued…